You’re too dirty to touch the pig!

Wait! What?

How did I end up here?

One of our sows had a litter of 11 piglets. As is usual with a large litter, one little piglet was the runt. She seemed to be getting some milk but as time passed, she was staying the same size and her brothers and sisters were getting bigger. This meant that she was getting less and less milk as she got pushed away by her siblings. I’d already noticed her and thought maybe I’d put her with the sow with only four babies, but that sow was being nursed by the neighboring piglets in the next stall so she was like a busy gas station with piglets coming and going at all times.

Enter Grandma. She was quite offended that the little runt wasn’t getting milk like she needed and what was I going to do about it?

Shrug. “She’ll probably die. That happens to runts, ya know.”

Now I have to explain, Grandma has ALWAYS wanted to bottle feed and raise a piglet. Since she was a little girl. She’s never been able to in her life and since we’ve had pigs we’ve either had piglets that were too bad off to to well off for her to take one. However this piglet was perfect. In trouble but only needing TLC. She’d had colostrum but just wasn’t getting enough milk now. This is just what Grandma needed.

“What will you do with the pig if I bring it back.”

“Eat it.”

I wasn’t going to be accused of coaxing her into this when the pig was trashing her house. After being bottle raised, I’m sure she’ll end up being a pet and be retained here as a breeder. I was glad she was a female because otherwise I’d have been telling the truth about eating the pig.

“I’m only going to keep her until she’s old enough to fend for herself. And I’m NOT naming her.”

Shrug. “Ok, do what you want. I’ll get you a box.”

That piglet was going home with Grandma before she even saw it. That was a foregone conclusion.

Fast forward a couple of days.

Last night, I got home from working at the barn. I was pretty dirty but hey, I’m a farmer, it’s expected. I arrived to find a house full of kids, Grandma, and this.

Little girl holding piglet in a blanket
One of the kids holding the piglet, who was sound asleep

There is a whirling dervish ongoing in the house. Kids screaming, jumping around, bashing. Normal kid noise of about 130db. The piglet is sound asleep, in a knitted white scarf, being carried around by the different kids.

Piglet asleep in white wool scarf
Piglet sound asleep

Grandma has been feeding the baby piglet yogurt, baby food, milk, and I don’t know what else. Probably caviar. She has had a bath, and probably perfume but I wasn’t allowed to get close enough to find out. Basically the piglet was living the life of royalty.

Boy with baby piglet in wool scarf
Spork with the piglet

Grandma has been wearing the piglet all day just like you see Spork carrying her now. How she hasn’t been peed on yet is beyond me but apparently the piglet gets up, eats like a pig, then goes back to sleep like you see above and sleeps through anything. She is already sleeping through the night which Grandma is quite happy with and I think is taking credit for. She seems to be the perfect baby so far.

Apparently the kids were pretending the piglet was baby Jesus before I got there and acting out the wise men in the manger. The pig slept through it all.

I however was not allowed to touch the pig. I was too dirty.

To. Touch. A. Pig.


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