Last Saturday we had a touch of snow. Since this is North Carolina and the actual word snow causes the Governor to declare a state of emergency, we didn’t really expect to see anyone at the store. But we were open regardless, at least till about 4:30.
What that meant was, the girls were in the store with very few customers to wait on. Which meant they got bored. So they asked, very sweetly I might add, if they could play with my old fashioned type writer. Sure, why not.
I was busy in the shop working on a project so as long as they were entertained, I was happy.
There was a lot of screaming and laughing coming from the store, which is what I normally hear when there isn’t a customer in there. The girls are super polite and helpful when you folks show up, but they are wild women when you aren’t here, which is fine. As long as they know the difference then I’m glad they are having fun.
However they started bringing me type written papers and dropping them off. I’d smile and make nice but I was running a lathe that was spitting metal at me and happy to pull my arm off if I wasn’t paying attention, so I really didn’t read them very well.
Finally later in the day I collected the stack of papers and read through them. This is an example of what I found.
Since it’s a bit hard to read, I’ll transcribe what is typed here in plain text below. Most of the papers were in the form of an interview. This is probably the calmest and sanest of them. I only fix typos where it helps with understanding what they are saying.
Today in the new[s]
You let go!
you let go!
You
Ahhhhhh!
I got it
yeah thats what I thought lady
No i have it lady
atack
atack_
uh you dumb dog [ed. Ruby was in the store]
attack that wahy
ahhhhhhh!
I dont have any arms
come here Ruby
(singing opera)
how is your story coming?
okay lets do thisMore opera
charge
attack
retreat
(yelling)
hey guys
(Humming intence music)
charge
retreat
(Barking)
useless dog!
attack her already
You cant use that because thats what were fighting for
put it in Ruby’s bed
(pause)
Charge
(yelling)
you cant steal it
rin [run] ruby
i am going to fight to the enf [end] and i am going to wis[win]
54321 go!!!!!
Ruby your dezd [dead]
Ahhhhhh!
i need water
oh break time.
Crystal can you please not steal the broom
alright
this doesn’t really hurt
that was some dwlicuos [delicious] water
no toys
breaktime over lady.
if you get cornered you die…
ready no touching.
(laughing)
haha you touched me
no it was your fault
(arguing about the rules)
I must admit a few things.
One, I had no idea the Princess could type well enough to be a court stenographer for the crazy that was occurring. She has pages of this stuff.
Two, I thought it was sorta cute till I got to the “singing opera” part. Then I started cracking up.
Three, the last statement about arguing about the rules reminds me of my favorite sport in the world.
If they look back at their lives growing up and in their memories it looks a like a strip from Calvin and Hobbes, I’ll consider my work here well done.
Folks, we received in 1.5 cows this week (counting the one coming Friday). I just put pork and chicken in the freezer. We are well stocked for your Christmas needs. We even have some beef prime rib roasts available (and therefore no ribeyes). The weather looks marvelous for Saturday. Don’t leave me here alone with these crazy people this weekend. Stop by so they straighten up and pretend to act normal for a bit.