Ninja Cow Farm LLC

Since someone turned the furnace up to 11 with no warning, we’ve had to dive back into bloated cattle all of a sudden. I already mentioned the issues I had with Vanilla. Yesterday we started the day off with another bloated cow. This one was also a steer that we’d purchased with the group in February.

So with stuff still in disarray from treating Vanilla, it was time to do it again. Except this guy was at the neighbors so first thing we had to do was to get him back to the farm. This entailed corralling the horses out of their area and putting the cows in which meant herding them somewhere they didn’t want to go. Then sorting everyone out till we just had this guy. Then we had to get him onto the trailer through a loading ramp that was a few years past repair and he simply couldn’t figure out how to use. Eventually we got it done and we brought him back to the farm. Coming off the trailer it was easy to put him right into our corral and then into the head gate as you see here.

He didn’t seem to be in any distress, but he was definitely bloated. I tried one of our catheters to let the pressure out and maybe not have to put a trocar in him.

It’s pretty wild when a catheter is inserted. As the gas comes out the rumen deflates which also makes it move around. The catheter routinely moves around on it’s own as the guts squirm inside the cow. It’s a very visual look at what is going on inside and kinda weird to watch.

The popping sound you hear is liquid that is in the catheter bubbling as the air rushes out.

After letting all the air out, I turned the cow back into the paddock just off of our corral. That way if he bloated again I could put him right back in the head gate. It was blazing hot and there was no shade but I made sure he had water. It was only going to be for a couple of hours so I could observe him. Yeah right.

I ran to the recycler to drop off our cardboard recycling and just as I pulled up, Vicente called me and asked if I’d put the cow back in the pasture? Uh, no. Well he’s gone. Ugh, here we go again. Turns out he’d lifted the gate off the hinges and absconded. Fortunately he was quickly located in our main pasture in the only place that made sense on a 100 degree day.

I didn’t blame him, it looked like a good idea to me. However, while he wasn’t bloated in the holding paddock when I’d checked him 30 minutes earlier, he was bloated again while on the lam. He had to come out of the pond to be treated which was the last thing he wanted to do. So how do I get him out without stripping naked and jumping in? We will find out in the next post.

So now that that small tangent is out of the way, it’s now morning and time to move all the cows. Vanilla will not being going with everyone else. He is to stay here on the farm and convalesce.

All the trucks are set up and ready. David, my neighbor is getting his stuff set up and Miguel and Vicente arrive right on time as usual. Some quick planning and we move all the cows into the central barn yard and then into the paddock which is part of our corral.

Once the cows are in the corral, we herd them in groups into the squeeze chute and onto the trailer. First my trailer, then David’s trailer.

Putting the cows into the squeeze chute didn’t go as planned, as the cows would balk at the entrance and refuse to go in. It took all Miguel and I could do to get them in where usually it only takes one person. Something else to figure out when I have time, which I don’t.

So finally we get the cows into the squeeze chute and start working them onto the trailer.

This picture looks like we are making progress, but our cows have a habit of getting to the trailer and then turning around and coming back, which creates a log jam for all the other cows trying to go forward. The only option is to unload them all, then reload them again as a group, something we do a few times. When it goes right, it looks like this.

Miguel being in the chute with them isn’t the way we’d like it, but by this point it was what we had to do to get them loaded. My trailer was loaded, then we pulled David’s trailer into place and loaded him. Then David and I left to drive the 1.1 mile to his place. As I drove down my driveway I hear David honking his horn. Knowing he closed my gate on the trailer, and the way he’s honking, I immediately know what has happened, he didn’t lock the gate and it’s coming open. As I stop, I see I’m right as Uno, cow #1 steps off the trailer and looks at me. I quickly close the gate so nobody else steps off and David and I spent 10 minutes walking Uno back to the barn which involves some Benny Hill moments along the way but works out eventually. I’m kicking myself for not checking my own gate the whole time and wondering what ridicule I’ll get from Miguel but fortunately we’re all too busy to get into that right now. With Uno back in the pasture, we leave again and drive to David’s. As we get there, I note that the wheel on David’s trailer looks pretty bad. It lost a wheel bearing earlier which he replaced, and he was going to get a new axle soon but as he pulls into the pasture the wheel FALLS OFF! Something that could have happened on the road and not the pasture. The new wheel bearing lasted about 5 minutes before disintegrating. We drag the trailer to the paddock and unload the cows, then pull it aside to be worked on later. A few more loads and we have almost all the cows in but by this point I’m out of time and a few cows have to stay behind. As I type this, I’m listening to cows holler that are missing the rest of the herd and we are getting ready to make one last load. Hopefully it will go smoothly as once again, I’m out of time before I even start. However, that’s skipping ahead, I haven’t told you the most interesting part of the last few days…

So I try to get Vanilla out of the head gate and walk him into the barn. He won’t leave the head gate. I try talking to him, pressuring him, lying to him. Anything I can do without being aggressive or mean as he’s already had enough fun for one day. Finally I figure I’ll clean up and take everything back and put it away, and he can step out on his own. Be cool and calm and gentle with animals, I keep telling myself. Once everything is put away, I walk back to the barn yard. I’m still soaking wet from sweat but I’m almost done. All I have to do is walk him into the barn and lock him up, assuming he’s out of the head gate.

As I look, he’s not in the head gate so he did step out on his own. See, being patient works. Since I don’t see him in the barnyard, maybe he even went in the barn on his own. All I have to do is walk him into the stall and close the door. All is good.

As I round the corner of the barn, he is in fact standing in the barn yard. He spins at my entry and I see the gears in his head suddenly mesh. He drops his head and immediately charges me with all he’s got and I’m out in the open with no fence to jump or place to run. At this point he probably weighs about 900 pounds, and he has a  full head of steam up in the 15 feet he takes to reach me. This all happens in the blink of an eye.

It should be noted that this behavior is completely not acceptable from a cow on our farm. We’ve never had something like this out of any cow we’ve ever raised. This is apparently my welcome to have Charolais cows on the farm, one I’m not inclined to like. It should also be noted that while his behavior is deplorable, had you tricked me into putting my head into a metal gate and then cut a hole in my side and screwed a huge drywall anchor into my gut, my immediate reaction would be bloody revenge as soon as I get out of this metal contraption. So I understood his feelings on the matter. Unfortunately, empathy doesn’t keep you from getting run over by a pissed off steer.

So Vanilla is coming at me full gallop and aiming right for my wedding vegetables. I take a wide stance, forget all about being patient with animals, and side step his head as he reaches me, doing a pirouette that would make a ballerina jealous (adrenalin does wonders). With this move his head passes right by me and I grab his neck under my right arm and his left ear with my left hand. This lets me take the brunt of the impact on my back and go from zero to gallop in a heartbeat. It also makes sure I don’t get trampled because I can stay in front of him and control where he is going. I get a good ride for about 20 feet before he decides he is going right and I’m happy  to go left. He gallops off while I’m left standing, only missing my hat and sunglasses from the impact.

I would wish I had a video of all this but I’m sure it wasn’t as cool looking in real life as it was in my head. Plus you could probably hear me eek like a little girl when it all happened. I don’t know, I was too busy staining the back of my pants to know exactly what was going on. This was all before dinner, and all before the next day where things got interesting. Continued in the next part.

Yesterday started about day break which isn’t atypical on a farm. It was the day of the big move when all of our cows go to our neighbors to graze his grass for a few weeks. Last time we had a few uh ohs so this time we were going to do things smoothly. I started early and got everything ready. Actually I started the day before because we had a cow who became bloated and I had to treat him quickly before he died. Of course he didn’t want to go into the barn yard by himself but eventually I was able to get him in. By this time it was about 98 degrees and we were both in the sun. Once in the head gate I was able to administer a catheter I was lucky enough to have on hand (Thanks Erin!) and we started relieving pressure from this cows rumen which would allow him to breath and to stop hurting.

Because we are basically letting air out of a basketball, I inserted the needle into another area to double the amount of air being released.

As the air was bleeding off, I went around front to document who we were working on. It wasn’t really difficult since this is Vanilla, the one white cow we have. He arrived with the rest of the stockers we bought this winter and was purchased on a whim because he was an all white Charolais/Angus cross and I figured “Eh, he’s cool looking why not?” So much for that. As I’m checking out the cow who is reasonably calm at this point, I note that he seemed to buck and jump only when I’m in front of him in the head gate. Odd. This becomes important later.

Sweat dripping off of me, I decide to call the vet and make sure I’m doing all the right things. Pressure relieved, 60 CCs of DSS surfactant into the rumen, no more food tonight, water if he’ll take it. All those things. The vet says yeah sure, you are probably ok but no promises. Great. I have to leave, in fact SWMBO has already called and there is nobody else on the farm. What if this guy bloats again while I’m gone. It can happen very quickly and he can die in an hour with the heat we are having. I’m deciding whether to put in a trocar and finally to be safe I decide it’s the best thing to do. A trocar means he’s had minor surgery so he’s not sellable in the short term, but it also means he’s not dead, which also makes him very not sellable. More goodies from the doctor bag and viola! One trocar inserted. He was remarkably calm during the procedure, kind of like he knew he’d revisit this topic later. Whatever, it’s all good.

There is a little bit of bleeding but not much. Some wound spray to help keep the flies off and a  few more minutes of monitoring and he’s ready to let out of the head gate. Unfortunately that doesn’t go as planned. Continued in part two….