Ninja Cow Farm LLC

While working in the shop this past Wednesday, we had a small storm work its way overhead. I didn’t think much of it, because it’s summer time and storms are what you get in the afternoon. There was a rumble here, a boom there, and of course some rain, but nothing major. I did check the radar just to get a look at it, and yes, it was a relatively small storm so no big deal.

But as I was working, I heard a sizzle of electricity and then a boom.

“That’s not good.”

Booms are normal. Sizzles, not so much.

I went to check the computers and other electrical devices and sure enough, the internet was down. After checking everything back to the internet router, I called AT&T and was told they’d have a tech out the next day, between 8 and 12:30. Sigh, I hate windows like this, you can’t do anything, you can’t leave, and of course there is no internet so I can’t get any office work done. About 1pm  our tech showed up and it was a very nice lady and a gentleman who really worked their butts off. They worked all over the farm, trying everything they could, and they even worked in the rain. But at 4:00 pm they informed me the internet was dead and not coming back. The copper wire itself was a goner and would have to be replaced.

This is not good. We are talking about the 2000 feet of copper wire, buried underground.

Not to fear our tech told us, she’d turn this over to the cable group and they’d be out tonight, or at least tomorrow.

So now it’s Friday noon and I’ve heard nothing. I call back to AT&T and I’m told the tech will be here between 4-8pm. Another window of time. About 6:30 a tech shows up.

“Do you have cable?”

“No.”

“Did you read the ticket entered on Wednesday?”

“No.”

“Do you know this is a cable problem, not a technical problem?”

“No.”

The guy was super nice. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever dealt with a less than excellent AT&T tech. I really enjoy talking to their techs. I used to be in their field and I appreciate the job and the position they are in.

So our new, redundant-to-our-first-tech, tech says he’ll get this routed to the correct group to get the cable installed. He’ll also make sure it goes in as an emergency order since we run not only our house, but our business off of this service. I also wrangled the email address of the manager of this cable department out of him so I could follow up with my own email. All this was done by Friday evening.

Saturday SWMBO and I had to drive to Stanly County to pick up Spork from encampment for the Civil Air Patrol. (Pics in the link for family and friends.) When I returned home, I found that there was no cable being installed and I had a text saying that July 29th would be my install date. What? Half a month to restore service?!! I called AT&T and Muhammad confirmed for me that yes, July 29th was my install date but I was welcome to call again on Monday and talk to someone else.

So… for the next few weeks, or until I can find someone at AT&T who cares, we will be pretty limited on internet posts, responding to emails, etc. I can always visit the neighbors with a laptop but frankly all my paperwork is in my office and moving everything to be able to work is a colossal pain in the posterior. But we’ll do what we have to do, albeit slowly.

If you need me, text me. If you know someone at AT&T who can make things happen, tell me. We WILL be open and have been open in the store. So there are no issues with our retail side. Our iPad has 4G internet service because I’m a belt and suspenders kind of person. It’s just all the boring paperwork and marketing that gets done that will be the issue.

I’m going to go pour myself a drink and get ready for tomorrow. Miguel says it’s going to be crazy on the farm and it’s my day to work. I think I saw a twinkle in his eye when he said it. I’m doomed.

Today is the day that it ends. From now till 5pm, all of our pork (excluding the items below) are on sale for 20% off. After 5pm, it’s over. You need to buy three items for the pork sale to kick in but a Boston butt a pack of breakfast sausage, and a pack of bratwurst for the grill aren’t exactly a stretch for the family.

The girls are working and SWMBO is managing so stop by and see all the ladies and help us clear some room in the freezer.

We are trying to bring our pig numbers down on the farm. This winter we were at about 130 pigs. We are currently at about 100 pigs, and we need to be down to 60-70 by fall, which is quickly approaching. It doesn’t seem like a big deal but that’s actually 30 pigs in three months. Since each pig weighs about 350 lbs, that’s 3500 pounds of pork per month, for the next three months. That’s a tall order. To get where I need to be, I can take pigs to the processor and sell them live. I can call other farmers and see if they need any pigs. I can go to restaurants and see what they will take. Or I can continue to take care of my customers first and last! Guess which one I chose.

From now till July 8th, we are having a sale of nearly all of our pork (minus bacon, because come on, it’s bacon. And a couple other things listed below) Basically everything porky will be 20% off of our normal price. This is a straight, off the top sale. All you have to do to qualify is to purchase three pork sale items. So a couple of packs of pork chops, and one breakfast sausage qualifies. Or since one pack of breakfast sausage barely lasts one meal, get two packs and then some kielbasa or bratwurst. Or come and stock up on pork across the board. Whatever works for you.

We may continue the sale till later in the season, I don’t know at this point. For now, it’s on like Donkey Kong from now till basically after 4th of July week. Help us make some room in the freezers, and help us make some room on the farm.

Sale excludes bacon, bacon pieces, jowl bacon, ribs, and all items from Weeping Radish. Sale items may (and probably will at some point) be out of stock.

I’ve spent some time in the past explaining what we do around here, and why. I often give the thought behind our events and promotions, and the results.

Since I’m a famous internet blogger now, I think that makes me an expert so let me give you a genius level class on marketing and customer loyalty programs.

Step 1. Purchase a new point of sale (POS) system in March 2017.
Step 2. Throw out all the marketing that was already working quite nicely with the existing POS. It’s old and tired.
Step 3. Make “plans” to read all the instructions on the new POS for how to setup marketing, customer thank you emails, sales, etc.
Step 4. Realize it is June and you haven’t done anything yet. (It’s called procrastination. It’s a fancy college word. Try to keep up.)
Step 5. Turn on the new POS customer loyalty program, after fiddling with the settings for about an hour and mostly understanding it.
Step 6. This is the most important part, especially for a customer loyalty program.

Don’t tell anybody you have a loyalty program

That’s right. Once you’ve mastered procrastination, and believe me, I am world class, then the truly genius part of marketing your loyalty program is to not say a word to anyone. What if people found out about it, saw how easy it is to earn cash discounts, and then started shopping more? What if they discovered that by simply swiping their credit card, they could earn automatic cash discounts on their next purchase? It would be chaos! People coming back weekly, skipping that trip to Harris Teeter and instead buying our products.

Nope, I’ve combined my master level procrastination with my genius marketing for the ultimate in secret customer loyalty programs, which have been quietly running for a month already. That means that if you look at your receipt, you should see something that says “Congratulations, you’ve earned X points. Only Y points till you earn a $10 off discount.”

So what is a genius marketer to do next, having so successfully launched this top tier loyalty program. Why ignore your family while on vacation and finally sit down and announce the program, of course. Nothing brings a family together like dad staying behind and staring at a computer while they go have fun. You are taking notes on how to be dad of the year aren’t you? I mean you won’t be. I will be. But you can aspire to second place. It’s important to have goals.

So in summary. If you shop with us and use a credit card, you are already part of the program. If you pay cash, we need to enter your name or email address in the POS so it tracks you. That’s why we ask for your info at checkout.

For each dollar you spend, you get one point. When you have 500 points, you get $10 off at checkout. No loyalty cards (I hate them), no secret passwords, no special handshake. Just something as simple as I could possibly make it, as a thank you to our regular customers. Just look on your receipt for your points balance at each checkout. When you hit 500 points, it will tell you, and us, you are due $10 off.